Hi all. It’s been a long while.
I’m not going to come back with anything hard hitting and heavy, just a nice positive message of my current happiness and contentedness. Probably not the most impactful post to deliver after such a large gap, but honesty is the best policy, and right now, I am feeling great. So, perfect time to share that.
I may have had a few drinks tonight/this morning, turning 27 on Monday and everything, but I have gotten home in such a fantastic mood.
This is a rarity, as my current depression symptoms normally suppress these positive feelings, which have historically been so intrinsically a part of me. I have always enjoyed being the one that everyone can turn to, whatever they are dissatisfied and struggling with, for support, assistance, understanding and love, platonic or otherwise.
Recently, that has evaporated, replaced with an unrelenting lethargy, and lack of energy to care about anyone but myself. I have hated this, and tried to override it were possible, but it is so incredibly difficult when the only thing you can fathom doing is staying in bed and feeling rotten.
Which has gotten in the way of writing about my new studies in gender. Or even studying in the first place.
After getting new medication for the depression, as of today, I have felt a monument shift away from this frame of thinking. I have spent a wonderful evening with brilliant and interesting people, discussing and debating all manner of topics, and I feel so much more energised. This is how modern existence should be; sharing ideals constantly, whether we agree or accept them or not, finding why people feel the way that they do, and providing new information where they, or we, have an absence.
In terms of my eponymous Gender Identity, I have, actually, been looking at making the matter more than theory. I have been looking at feminine outfits that may suit my body type (difficult, being this tall, with shoulders this broad and a face this angular, but whatever), as well as a wig to replace my impossible to grow out hair. I have been looking into make up, to reshape my uncomfortably male face into something high cheek boned and more feminine.
The FaceApp app has been a godsend/if also a curse, providing an amazing example of what my face might resemble, with assistance, as a female. Of course, this has also been upsetting that I didn’t have the fortune of being born with that face, and have had to make do with the male face that I have.
Still not convince that transitioning will be the way forward for me personally, but it is wise to consider all roads.
Going to cut it there for now, hope you are all having a fantastic day. And just remember to be the best you that you can be. Whether that you is taking the kids to the park, putting in extra hours at work, or just in bed binging Netflix.